he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
