I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
