You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
