Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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