lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
