I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i need some magic done to my vagina
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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