would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
