Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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