i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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