some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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