Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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