Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
