Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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