I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
