she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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