So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
