Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
