Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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