I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize