I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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