I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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