tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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