this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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