I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
