does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
