Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I want is dick and wine.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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