i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
