But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
