Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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