Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
