make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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