Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Soap is not a condiment
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
