3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
