I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
