she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
