By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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