What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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