i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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