How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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