Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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