It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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