I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
