This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
