It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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