In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
