Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
