I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
