Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
