Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
