oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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