It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
