I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
