wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
