I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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