you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
