Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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