you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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